you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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