Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
