im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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