chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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