I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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