Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
