my mouth tastes like poor choices
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
COCAINE IS GR8
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
