good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
