OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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