There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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