I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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