I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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