finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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