I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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