sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
