Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
