I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
