Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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