Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
