Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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