the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
