your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
