toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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