It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
