Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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