You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
