If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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