I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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