I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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