just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found puke in my bra..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
