The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
