I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
