guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
