First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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