Moan for me like Helen Keller
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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