Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
