No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
