how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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