She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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