i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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