No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
