Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
