Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
