I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
