haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
