She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we made out on top of his cat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
