smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
