matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
