Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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