Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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