bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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