Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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