Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
