You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
