There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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