i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
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