if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
