I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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